That’s such a complex question, isn’t it? It looks deceptively simple, but it packs a punch. It asks so much of you. Forces you to dig deeper. To examine all those niggling thoughts and frissons of emotions. To go through your heart, soul, and mind with a fine tooth comb.
And I dislike ‘uncomfortable’.
I’d rather have my act together. Tell, or rather show, folks I’m doing fine. Because honestly, I don’t think most people would want to know how I actually am doing. Unqualified candour makes people uncomfortable. And then you just end up with a bunch of folks sitting in awkward silence.
But who said an awkward silence was necessarily a bad thing? Sometimes it’s good to feel ill-at-ease and embarrassed. To be thrown out of your comfort zone. To feel so vulnerable and helpless, that all you can do is be absolutely honest. In that moment, you can’t give a slick reply or a pat answer.
So silence it is.
After the tongue-tied gaucherie has settled a bit, talk.
So, how am I, really?
Thoughts jostle in my mind So much has happened In such a brief span I want to quieten down Process each emotion Examine each sensation Scrutinize each feeling But I'm stuck. What troubles me the most Is the fact how I'm not allowed To savour each moment To cherish each memory To enjoy each minute Of this life-changing event. Every time something good happens You barge in and take over With all your complaints With all your negativity With all your superstition You don't care about what I'm experiencing But rather make everything about you How is it that I'm stuck being annoyed with you? When I'd rather not think about you at all! Honestly sometimes I really hate you. I'm stuck, cause I can't ignore you Can't walk away from you Can't pretend you don't exist Oh Lord, please help I'm desperate Only a miracle can save us now Step into this mess This terrible train wreck of relationships This travesty of emotions Heal. Restore. Renew. Send us a miracle today!
That about sums it up.
Photo by Pongsawat Pasom on Unsplash